Why Do Long-Distance Relationships NEVER Work!

Ever thought why long-distance relationships never work? Well, I've always wondered why those kind of relationships never seem to work myself. One drunken night, my sheer curiousity got me in trouble. Big trouble! I had to used my already "half-paralyzed, almost disfunctional and mostly drunk" mind/brain --- to think! First, I tried to answer Big-Time questions like "Which came first, the hen or the egg?" Even pondered about the laws of Physicks (I know I couldn't even spell the damn word but...............) Then, I completely gave up even before I realized that I wasn't really capable of thinking straight. Shit, I wasn't even capable of giving any kind of answer at all. (Even the wrong ones!) F***, I was barely coherent even. I couldn't move any of my body parts at all. OK I was twitching a little but, I'm not sure if that could be counted as movement at all. hmmmmmmm....... So I started pulling myself together and decided to at least formulate a much less-complicated QUESTION. I can't remember how I started to thinking about long-distance relationships and why they don't work. Was it from experience? I'll never know for sure, though now that I'm sober and my full 50% brain is functional, I can't recall any previous experiences at all about relationships. (It seems that my previous relationships were always disastrous, anyone who wish to live life a bit more would most certainly delete every memory of it. I love life, it's beautiful! So I did the obvious, deleted 50% of my brain.) Back to my drunken state ----- after more alcohol, I finally thought of a very easy question. (In fact, one I could answer very quickly. Hah.) "Why do long-distance relationships never work?" Blah, my brain processed the answer much quickly. (Made me a bit dizzy and I swear, if i looked-at a mirror, I would have seen the smoke coming out of my ears.... talk about over-using the brain!!!!!!) I even drew a picture (nah, my fast-working-drunken brain demanded that I drew a picture!) to explain my answer in a better, unique and somewhat lazy way.

Just to be clear, I'm just trying to crack a JOKE. (My mom rang me many times after reading this worried that there's something wrong with me!!!!! -- Ma, I'm alright. I'm just trying to crack a joke.) ***winks. Comprende?