Thoughts

I've often thought that no matter what I would always be okay. Then something strange happened making me wonder if I would ever feel alright again. For a week I was living in my own little hell. I was slowly drowning in my sob sad emotions, too pre-occupied to care about anything else, but my misery. It blows! It sucks! It hurts like a bitch.

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All my life all I ever wanted and needed was LOVE. I do not think I was loved as a kid, and I've always thought that love was mystical, a talisman that can make me happy. Is it? I will blog my thoughts along these lines some other time. I remembered gazing at the stars at night when I was little, dreaming of being held in someone's arms, feeling loved.

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Not long ago, I was living in the clouds, happy, enjoying sunny days. I still find it hard to believe that I loose it all 'in one single act of childish jealous outbursts.' But I did! I begged, reasoned out, fought for the love I know I felt, but in the end I was defeated. It takes two to tango indeed.

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Lesson learned...... but now it's too late. For I find myself alone once again in the middle of this crazy circus that some of you call life. I'm scared! Often times I've felt that I don't belong, that I'm an outcast. Once again I find myself washed-up in unfamiliar territory, not knowing which direction should I go, which direction is East.

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I am cold, scared, numb and drained, but I'm standing my ground, never taking my eyes off the far distance............

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I know it's just a matter of time before sunrise. Tomorrow will come. Tomorrow will be a new day! Maybe, it's too soon to search for rainbows, but I can surely start dreaming now!!! [Blueskies, warm sunny days, starry nights, flowers in full bloom, rainbows.]